


Creche

by JjdoggieS



Series: All Is Calm, All Is Bright [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cards, Christmas, Christmas Cards, Christmas Fluff, Cute, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Emotions, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Ficmas, Ficmas 2020, Five scares several people, Fluff, Harcest Ficmas, Harcest Ficmas 2020, LMAO, Light Angst, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Photo Cards, Reveal, Self-Denial, but he does, denial ohio, fake dating au, five is in denial, kind of, pre-fic of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjdoggieS/pseuds/JjdoggieS
Summary: After being bothered by his family 10 times too many, Five thinks of a way to get them to stop constantly asking about his love life and trying to set him up with 'nice girls'. And with the help of his friend Vanya, who'sjusta friend, he might just be able to get them to back off once and for all.Harcest Ficmas: Day 3 - Cards
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: All Is Calm, All Is Bright [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034832
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37
Collections: Harcest Ficmas 2020





	Creche

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jules5971](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules5971/gifts).



There were many things that Five  _ tolerated _ about his family, as most people did. But, as most people did, he had his limits. And his limit was that at every single holiday, his Father, Mother, Brother, and Sister-in-Law, all felt the need to incessantly pester him about the happenings in his love life. And what he’d ultimately decided to try, in order to put an end to their pestering, felt like something right out of a shitty Hallmark movie.

He’d enlisted the help of his friend Vanya, who is  _ just _ a friend, to enact his plan. And this plan, was why they were at the photo center in their local JCPenny, which was surprisingly still open, taking far too many ‘couples’ pictures, in Five’s opinion. If he hadn’t been best friends with Vanya for as long as he had, it would’ve been incredibly uncomfortable with the close positioning and loving looks they had to give each other, especially if Five wanted this whole thing to even work.

Never in Five’s life did he think he’d be posing for a fake Christmas card, with his best friend acting as his girlfriend, in jeans and ugly Christmas sweaters. Vanya had been the one to suggest they get matching Christmas sweaters, to make it more believable; and considering how often his best friend was right, Five simply did as she suggested. And, if he wasn’t doing this for  _ his _ benefit  _ and _ with  _ Vanya _ , there would be no way in hell he’d voluntarily wear an ugly ass red sweater with ‘naughty’ in bold fucking letters on it and plaster his least intimidating smile on his face without glaring into the camera

His red ‘naughty’ sweater was paired with Vanya’s green ‘nice’ for the barely sufferable pictures, some featuring his dog Mr. Pennycrumb with reindeer antlers stuck in his head or featuring Vanya’s cat Mr. Puddles, which used to be her neighbor’s but somehow became Vanya’s, who was in an awful cat elf costume, which oddly Mr. Puddles didn’t seem to mind much. There were several times during the photos that Five was  _ very  _ close to walking out in the middle of, mainly due to the photographer making comments about them being ‘cute together’ that made him feel  _ something  _ that didn’t sit quite right with him as well as the photographer constantly wanting them to kiss, which Vanya covered his unwillingness to do so, as him not liking to be so public about their intimacy. It was things like that that if Vanya hadn’t been Five’s best friend for nearly a decade, that he’d fall in love with. But he wasn’t about to ruin their relationship over something like that. 

Regardless, the week following that Five spent waiting for the cards to arrive was in near agony, especially considering he didn’t know exactly which picture Vanya had picked since his patience had been spent by the time he was meant to pick a picture. Five was conflicted about which picture he’d rather have, one of just him and Vanya, or one of the many featuring their pets, he didn’t know which would sell it more. That was all he was worried about. Honest.

His week of agony finally ended when the thick, yet small package of cards arrived in his mailbox. He hadn’t expected quite so many, especially since he’d told Vanya that he was only sending them to his parents and brother. But still, there was a rather large stack of cards in his mailbox, half of the package had been envelopes while the other half had actually been the cards. Five was oddly surprised and not too surprised at the same time when he looked at the cards to find that Vanya had picked four pictures from their entire shoot, one of just them, one with Mr. Pennycrumb, one with Mr. Puddles (before the cat tried to scratch him when Vanya wasn’t looking), and one of all four of them. And of course, Vanya picked the ones that he likely looked the  _ least _ murderous in.

Not wanting to linger anymore thinking about how  _ well _ Vanya knowing brought up  _ certain _ feelings he didn’t want to talk about, Five instead launched right into addressing and mailing out cards to his parents, Luther and Allison, as well as a few of his acquaintances that’d get a kick out of these when he told them what they were for  _ after _ the holidays. Because he did  _ not _ need one of the idiots he considered to be his tolerable friends to fuck up everything he and Vanya have worked on (including staging  _ several _ date pictures incase anyone, Allison, wanted receipts for his relationship) by  _ them _ telling certain  _ people _ prematurely. Once he’d stuck them in the mailbox, Five texted Vanya that the cards had gotten there and that he’d sent the five (the irony not lost on him) cards he was sending out. And she replied back that she’d stop by once she finished work in a half hour.

Something in Five told him to pick up his house a bit before Vanya got there, even though she’d seen his house in every state of being, and cleanliness, over the years. He told himself that it was because Mr. Pennycrumb had made a mess earlier in the house that he needed to clean up. (Mr. Pennycrumb hadn’t, the 2 year old dog had been well trained by Five in his puppy days to  _ not _ make messes in the house, or Vanya’s apartment) 

Regardless, this was why Five was picking up any stray dog toys, or papers, and did a quick vacuuming before Vanya’s white mini coupe with black stripes down the middle pulled into his driveway. Mr. Pennycrumb slipping through the dog door Five had installed in the garage doors (the one from the house to the garage and the door from his garage to outside) and was waiting a short distance from Vanya’s car, waiting for her to turn off and get out of her car before running up to her for some petting.

Five had to remind himself they had business to attend to, physically shaking his head to pull from his  _ not _ staring at his best friend, his  _ just _ best friend, nothing more, and moved to meet Vanya at the front door as she and Mr. Pennycrumb moved towards the house. “Hey,” he called as he pulled the door open, drawing both Vanya’s and Mr. Pennycrumb’s attention, “how was work?”

She gave him a little shrug and a playful smile as she answered, “Meh, same old, same old.” Vanya reached down again to give Mr. Pennycrumb some more scratches behind his ears as she asked him, “And how was your day?  _ Beyond _ the, you know.”

Five mimicked the shrug and playful smile that she’d given him just a moment prior, saying “Nothing special. You know, same old, same old.” He led Vanya towards his kitchen, namely to where he’d left the additional cards and envelopes, handing the stack over to her as he asked, “Why’d you order so many? We only needed like 10 cards.” Vanya didn’t immediately answer him, rather looked through a few of the cards with yet another smile on her face. albeit this one was much softer, more sincere, and far less playful than the one she’d given him before. It  _ wasn’t _ stirring up certain feelings he would not be talking about. “So,” Five started, pulling Vanya’s attention from the cards and back to him, “what do you think? They look good?”

“Yeah,” Vanya answered back, an odd blush on her cheeks, “they look great.” Five couldn’t remember the last time she’d blushed like that at something he’d said. Odd. The serious yet nervous look that Vanya gave him after that stirred an entirely  _ different _ feeling in him. One of worry, and a need to protect her perhaps, from whatever was bothering Vanya. “Five, I need to tell you something.” Vanya started, “And I don’t want it to ruin  _ everything _ .”

Now, he was completely worried. “Vanya, what is it?” Five asked, “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Okay. Um, it’s just.” Vanya started, stumbling over her words far more than she normally did, “I have certain  _ feelings _ towards you. Like, as more than just best friends.” It took Five a moment, understandably, to process what she’d just told him.

But in the moment it took him to process it, that was enough for Vanya to completely misunderstand how to interpret his response, or lack of response, she apologized for making things awkward between them, telling him he didn’t need to answer or explain, and quickly left his house. All before he could tell her, that he felt the same way. Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued in Day 16
> 
> Also, Update survey if you're interested -> https://forms.gle/kj4UBqMeUThavmnx6


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